Do you ever get the feeling that you just have to write, that if you don’t something inside you is going to break or be lost forever? Who am I kidding; I seem to be the only one who has moments when they feel like that. But can you honestly blame me? I’ve trapped myself with this quiet, unobtrusive personality. Yeah, I know I’m loud, sarcastic, and outgoing with those I know, but I guess I just donít want them to see me, to see what I’m hiding behind this façade.
Maybe I’m just scared. Maybe I’m just a teenage girl with a computer who’s seen and understood too many of the horrors in the world to think that life is some damn fairy tale. I’ve been told that I’m bitter, that there is no place in the world for people like me, and I cannot help but think that they’re wrong; the world needs more people like me. I may be just a teen, but I have realized so many more things about the world than adults usually do.
“...the world is afraid of the slowly growing number of people who won’t let themselves be controlled by a brand, labeled and prepackaged”
The world is crumbling around us, and no one’s even trying to stop it. I mean, think about it, by the time I have written this, I’ve seen 4 wars (Gulf War I and II, Bosnia conflict, Afghanistan) that my country was/is involved in, not to mention the ones in other countries that we in the U.S. aren’t involved in. Second graders are swearing at each other in front of teachers and parents without being reprimanded, third grade girls are wearing make-up and acting like sluts, even if they don’t know why. And you know what? They have the audacity to blame my generation. Excuse me while I hurl.
“It’s that damn music.”
“Those kids shouldn’t be allowed to see those movies or read those books in school.”
“How many times have I told you not to fucking swear, goddamnit?!?!”
Just how many times have you heard the quotes above and more? The so-called adults want to censor and ban our music because either they don’t understand it, think we’re stupid enough to kill because of it, and because they’re afraid to see what the real us is like. I feel one can express them selves clearly with the type of music one listen to, and yet, adults take us inadvertently bearing our emotions as just simple rebellion and bad taste.
As far as the whole book and movie-banning thing in school, I have to say it’s just as idiotic as my first complaint against the majority of the adult world. I mean, come on, do you not want us to learn? Is it your goal to make us dumber than you? I’m not going to even touch on the whole profanity thing. Hell, it’s not like anyone’s actually listening to what I’m saying.
Maybe that sentence speaks for itself. Could it be that part of the reason the world’s is so fucked up is because the majority of the adult population tends to ignore those younger, more open minded, and dare I say it, purer then them? That they don’t want to listen to the thing they call “the hope of the future” because as long as they don’t give us any real choices they themselves are actually the ones who decide what the hell happens? I guess if you look at it that way, the world is afraid. Afraid of the slowly growing number of people who won’t let themselves be controlled by a brand, labeled and prepackaged. Or simply, afraid that in the end, the things we are saying are in fact the harsh, unfiltered reality.
Then again, I don’t even really know what I’m saying. I guess I just needed to release all these things bubbling in side of me, or at least, let the few people who view this know that not all of my generation is American Eagle/Old Navy/Abercrombie&Bitch lackeys, that some of us are still free of the conformity.
Call me bitter. I don’t care either way; at least I’m not some brainwashed teen who thinks that it’s all going to end happily ever after.
This is Singe’s first submission to GothPunk but not her first involvement the site represents. Walking the line between punk and goth her entire life, she has no problem fighting for what she believes in and has no intention of stopping soon. Other (unedited) writings can be found at http://dyingember.blog-city.com.